Concious Touch is the ability to pass on a message with the power of touch. Whether it is ‘I love you’ or ‘it’s going to be okay’ or ‘I’m sorry’ etc., etc., touch is a gift and a tool given to us to be used to connect on a deeper level than words.
In a survey done some time ago, doctors were doing an experiment on the power of human touch on new born babies and how it affected them physically, socially and psychologically.
Some babies were given the basic care of feeding and cleaning, whilst the others had all the cuddles they could handle. They observed that those children who received love by touch and hugs grew stronger and happier compared to those who were given the basic care. They grew leaner, more withdrawn and some of them died.
Why was this the case? It is because it is not just the basic necessity that feeds us and makes us become whole people. It is the love that makes us grow in to the real person we are meant to me. When a person receives love through touch, they grow out and flourish like a flower and it is a very empowering tool.
In a marriage, touch speaks a thousand words. From ‘I love you’ to I’m there if you need to talk to ‘I understand’.
Touch should be a natural progression in a marriage not just reserved for the bedroom. A couple who learn to touch can reassure, appreciate and empower each other on so many levels. A kiss to say have a nice day when one is off to work or a welcome back home peck or a squeeze in the kitchen to say ‘I appreciate you for making this lovely dinner’ are all ways to grow in love and keep making love.
Touch is a powerful thing. We use touch with our children and we notice how it builds confidence and strength in the children. Why do we think that we do not need to give and receive touch as adults? We certainly do.
If a man or woman as a child had a lot of cuddles from their parents, they are going to expect that from their spouses as a natural thing. If they go into a relationship where the other person comes from a home where they received non of those touches they will soon get frustrated and interpret their partners lack of touch as a lack of love.
This is where a candid discussion should take place. It is a long road that we get into in marriage and it will help a lot if we iron a few things out. Telling the other party what you are used to and would like is not a bad thing. Its helps them to understand you and teaches them your love language. If they really love you they will learn how to use touch to communicate their affection for you.
I remember the first time I had tonsillitis and was feeling really under the weather. I came from a family where both my parents treated us like royalty when we were ill. We had to sleep in our parents bed no matter how old we were and my parents will wake up countless times at night to feel us to make sure we were not running a high temperature. We were really nurtured in that way and we thought this was the normal behaviour in all families.
So when I did not get that with my husband the first time I was ill, I was completely shocked. I thought he really did not love me the way he just gave me my medication and went about doing his business. Not once did he touch my forehead to check my temperature. I was more than upset.
He could not understand my reaction so I asked him why he behaved that way. He told me that he was brought up to be tough on sickness. He will not lie down and rest when he was ill which was and is rare and if he feels under the weather he will get busy to sweat it out. He was given medication and told to get on with it. So that was all he knew how to give, for he thought that was how all families treated illness. So we had a long chat about how we were treated as kids and what normal behaviour was for us.
Since then I have never been treated better by anyone like my husband. He has learnt to fuss over me when I am under the weather and he also does not mind me fussing over him whether he is under the weather or not!!
We all know that a child’s pains gets instantly healed when mummy kisses it better. Touch has the soothing and reassuring effect that brings healing to frayed nerves, hurts, pains and frustration. Many people have been healed because someone touched them with the consciousness of passing healing and love to them. When we touch we should send a message of wholeness to the other person. It costs us nothing and has such great effects. We all need to learn to loosen up a little and touch a lot more. It has such great rewards.
There is not only the conscious touch to give but there is also the conscious touch to receive. We can receive something from another person, whether it is an impartation or a blessing as in the case of religious figures to empowerment from a guru or a spouse.
When two people love each other they find out what the other person likes and gives it to them. ‘ I love you’ can be said best with touch. Just the way the other party likes and appreciates it.
Monday, 27 September 2010
Tuesday, 7 September 2010
Man does not live by bread alone
Many times I have heard people both men and women say that if a man does not have sex on demand he will go outside. I say that if boys keep hearing this kind of nonsense then small wonder that they grow up to be the very ones who go outside of their marriage because they cannot wait.
No woman says no today because she does not want to please her man. Yes you have those who use sex to manipulate their man but how did that situation arise. It is a symptom of a problem in a marriage also like all other symptoms.
Sex is the art of lovemaking between couples, it is the thermometer that measures the temperature of a marriage. How it is done, when it is done, the attitude of the partners involved all speak volumes of the state of the marital relationship.
Watch a couple lovemaking, and you can tell a lot about their state of mind and beliefs and pick out whether there are unresolved issues between them.
Sex is a tool to be used for healing, beautifying and bonding a couple, not a tool for abuse, control and manipulation. A discerning spouse can tell when it’s time to wait and talk. An uncaring spouse will ignore the whispers not sounded and go ahead and grab his/her right of the other’s body.
After the deed they will have dug a deeper wedge between them.
Back to my topic; I believe that the above mentioned quote of Jesus says a lot for this area of our marriages. ‘Man does not live by bread alone but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God’
I am presently meditating on this and it’s really opening up my understanding in so many areas of my life.
Man as in Mankind, does not have to live by the dictates of the five senses, but by every word spoken to them by God. God can tell one man to eat bread and the next man not to eat bread. You must understand your relationship to God is unique, for you are playing a specific role in life’s drama, different from everyone else. Copying my actions and living by them without understanding why I do what I do is foolishness and will never bring you true fulfilment. Your Job is to know who you are and live from that knowing.
Jesus knew what his role was on earth and he had the blueprints that will enable him to fulfil that role. It included him not eating bread at that particular time even though his stomach had the biggest craving of his lifetime, and justifiably so. After 40 days of fasting he must have been ravenous. But the father had told him ‘not yet’ and so even though he could justify his actions with scripture, he choose to learn obedience through suffering.
You see, Jesus’ test was self control. All his temptations had self control as a part and parcel of them. If he had not controlled himself, he will not have fulfilled his life’s purpose and he will not have been given the name above all names. He will not have reached Christhood.
Likewise all of us unless we know our life’s purpose will live with the mentality that ‘everybody is doing it’ so we are just doing what is expected of us. By whom I may ask? Who is expecting you to have sex on demand? Is that what defines your sexuality as a husband or wife? If man does not live by bread alone neither does Man live by sex alone.
Stop abusing the word of God. Resolve issues that will make you have a less than fulfilling lovemaking, and then enjoy a true intimate moment with your beloved. Sex like food, you can live without for a while and the longer you live without it, the more enjoying it becomes.
To all who practice sex on demand, I encourage you to try it. Take notice of your partner for a change. Observe their looks, are they tired, give them an energising hug and a squeeze just because.
Admire their hard work in or outside the home. Rub their tired feet or head.
Let them lie on your shoulder or chest which ever they desire and just be there for them. Sometimes this promotes intimacy. It does not always have to end in sex, and it does not always have to be expected to end that way.
A cuddle speaks volumes. It says I just want to hang out with you today. Let’s just get cosy it’s okay with me. Listen if they want to talk. Just listen they may not want your opinion, just your ears. Notice if they are looking shabby, rundown or just busy. Offer to pay for a makeover, buy them some undies, lingerie, or perfume just because.
Take them out for a meal or order takeaway just because. Send them a note of appreciation via text or email just because.
Marriage does not have to be monotonous or boring or a prison. It was created for fun, discovery, companionship, and laughter. It can be, when we start living by the word that proceeds from the mouth of God and not by sex alone.
Every moment, words are proceeding from the mouth of God and since he is a fun loving God stop putting him in a box. If you will listen he will tell you what to say, how to act, what to buy, where to go and who you are in the marriage at that very moment. He gave you your spouse for your benefit you know. He alone knows how to bring out the best in them. A true winner is one who while ,winning make others win also.
No woman says no today because she does not want to please her man. Yes you have those who use sex to manipulate their man but how did that situation arise. It is a symptom of a problem in a marriage also like all other symptoms.
Sex is the art of lovemaking between couples, it is the thermometer that measures the temperature of a marriage. How it is done, when it is done, the attitude of the partners involved all speak volumes of the state of the marital relationship.
Watch a couple lovemaking, and you can tell a lot about their state of mind and beliefs and pick out whether there are unresolved issues between them.
Sex is a tool to be used for healing, beautifying and bonding a couple, not a tool for abuse, control and manipulation. A discerning spouse can tell when it’s time to wait and talk. An uncaring spouse will ignore the whispers not sounded and go ahead and grab his/her right of the other’s body.
After the deed they will have dug a deeper wedge between them.
Back to my topic; I believe that the above mentioned quote of Jesus says a lot for this area of our marriages. ‘Man does not live by bread alone but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God’
I am presently meditating on this and it’s really opening up my understanding in so many areas of my life.
Man as in Mankind, does not have to live by the dictates of the five senses, but by every word spoken to them by God. God can tell one man to eat bread and the next man not to eat bread. You must understand your relationship to God is unique, for you are playing a specific role in life’s drama, different from everyone else. Copying my actions and living by them without understanding why I do what I do is foolishness and will never bring you true fulfilment. Your Job is to know who you are and live from that knowing.
Jesus knew what his role was on earth and he had the blueprints that will enable him to fulfil that role. It included him not eating bread at that particular time even though his stomach had the biggest craving of his lifetime, and justifiably so. After 40 days of fasting he must have been ravenous. But the father had told him ‘not yet’ and so even though he could justify his actions with scripture, he choose to learn obedience through suffering.
You see, Jesus’ test was self control. All his temptations had self control as a part and parcel of them. If he had not controlled himself, he will not have fulfilled his life’s purpose and he will not have been given the name above all names. He will not have reached Christhood.
Likewise all of us unless we know our life’s purpose will live with the mentality that ‘everybody is doing it’ so we are just doing what is expected of us. By whom I may ask? Who is expecting you to have sex on demand? Is that what defines your sexuality as a husband or wife? If man does not live by bread alone neither does Man live by sex alone.
Stop abusing the word of God. Resolve issues that will make you have a less than fulfilling lovemaking, and then enjoy a true intimate moment with your beloved. Sex like food, you can live without for a while and the longer you live without it, the more enjoying it becomes.
To all who practice sex on demand, I encourage you to try it. Take notice of your partner for a change. Observe their looks, are they tired, give them an energising hug and a squeeze just because.
Admire their hard work in or outside the home. Rub their tired feet or head.
Let them lie on your shoulder or chest which ever they desire and just be there for them. Sometimes this promotes intimacy. It does not always have to end in sex, and it does not always have to be expected to end that way.
A cuddle speaks volumes. It says I just want to hang out with you today. Let’s just get cosy it’s okay with me. Listen if they want to talk. Just listen they may not want your opinion, just your ears. Notice if they are looking shabby, rundown or just busy. Offer to pay for a makeover, buy them some undies, lingerie, or perfume just because.
Take them out for a meal or order takeaway just because. Send them a note of appreciation via text or email just because.
Marriage does not have to be monotonous or boring or a prison. It was created for fun, discovery, companionship, and laughter. It can be, when we start living by the word that proceeds from the mouth of God and not by sex alone.
Every moment, words are proceeding from the mouth of God and since he is a fun loving God stop putting him in a box. If you will listen he will tell you what to say, how to act, what to buy, where to go and who you are in the marriage at that very moment. He gave you your spouse for your benefit you know. He alone knows how to bring out the best in them. A true winner is one who while ,winning make others win also.
Thursday, 2 September 2010
Forgiveness the key to unlocking growth and intimacy
Paying it forward
In Matthew 18 the disciples asked Jesus how many times they should forgive. They even suggested a reasonable number of times. 7 times is the limit they had in mind. Jesus replied by giving them an exponential number of 7 times. He told them that each day they should forgive one person 70 x7 times. Wow!, that threw their piety out of the waters. It is already a whole lot difficult to forgive someone twice in one day let alone 7 times but now we have to forgive each person 490 times per day. That sounds like it is an impossible task. But you see forgiveness is an act of the will not an act of your feelings. I know that if I wait to feel like forgiving anyone, I will not even forgive a person once .
Usually it is the people closest to us who offend us the most. We have this tendency not to let our nearest and dearest get away with anything and if someone else does the exact same thing to us we will not even care. Well our closest and dearest are the ones with the potential to hurt us the most as well as they are the ones that love us the most. We are emotionally invested in them so we are prone to be offended and hurt by them the most. These people are the ones we will be with for the rest of our lives and we ourselves are equally offensive now and again and we hurt them and other people too.
We never think that we hurt people the same way we are hurt and we think our own offences are minute compare to others. But we are the same. We offend our loved ones and most of all we always want to be forgiven no matter what we do. That is why we love Jesus so much. Because he has purposed in his heart to forgive us all our sins and to love us unconditionally. However even Jesus' forgiveness is hinged on the condition that we pay it forward. That we do to others what we would have done to us. Yes Jesus creates a platform for us where we are always loved and accepted no matter what we do if we ask forgiveness but we also have to pay it forward. Granted we must confess our sins first before we will be forgiven. However we have to also learn to forgive others even when they have not confessed their offence to us because God continually forgives us for sins of omissions and commission intentionally as well as unintentionally.
Sometimes we are so sensitive that we get offended by every little word or gesture. People don't know they have offended and hurt us because most of the time we are reacting to a thing that happened in the past and projecting it on them. So they have no idea that they have offended us but we are hurt and offended and that is valid. We need to go to God to heal us and we need to release this person in our past as well as the person who is triggering the hurt and the pain again.
No one enjoys what it feels like when we are hurt or offended. It is an uncomfortable feeling. It is unusual because we were not created to harbour unforgiveness and the feelings we get when we are bitter, resentful or hurt, is the body telling us to drop it as it is affecting its functions. It cannot function harmoniously because it is dis-eased. It has lost its peace and rest and all the body wants is to get back to business as usual. So you will feel bad until you resolve the issue. It is also the same reason why when we realise we have offended or caused another person hurt we feel the same. Is it not funny that the same feeling is in the heart of the offender as well as the offended?
We are not created to offend but to love and to bear each others' burden so we can fulfil the law of the universe which is love. Until we have confessed our offence and we have been forgiven and until we have forgiven our offended we live in the prison of that pain and discomfort in our soul. But the second we have forgiven and we also feel we have been forgiven there is this tremendous peace that floods our hearts Its the feeling of freedom. Our entire body, mind and soul is happy because it can start the process of healing and reconciliation and returning back to business and usual. The longer we harbour unforgiveness or continue to offend someone the more we are opening ourselves to dis - eases such as cancer, ulcer, mental illness, arthritis and high blood pressure. We all know that God did not create us for such oppression as these dis - eases bring.
So if unforgiveness is a prison and you are not forgiving your offended that means that you are in prison. There are many people who walk free on the earth but are in prison in their minds because of unforgiveness. Jesus warns us of being given over to the torturers when we harbour unforgivenss. You see the torturers are the lack of peace and joy that accompany unforgiveness. They also bring lack of progress, closed doors , sickness and bad habits. Its like flies are drawn to decay so all these unfortunate things are drawn to a person that is harbouring unforgiveness.
No one is worth my peace and freedom let alone my favour and blessings. I cannot afford to waste my blessings on someone because of offence. If anyone is going to cost me my health wealth or peace of mind I will quickly forgive. Otherwise not only would that person have offended me they would now cost me my life. No one is worth that. I'd rather have peace and blessings than carry offence as a burden. Does that mean that what the person has done is right or that the hurt is not valid? No. But neither is carrying a spare in your heart. Yes someone stabbed you but your immediate reaction is to remove the blade not carry it around you. You may end up with scars but trust me the pain of the stab will be gone. Better get rid of the blade than walk around bleeding all over the place. The paramedics will remove the blade and stop the bleeding. Forgiveness from offence removes the blade and stops the bleeding.
Wednesday, 1 September 2010
Cliche- I am an African Man - reversing the stereotype
I am an African Man
Well done! By the way what does that really mean? To a non African, that conjures up the stereotypical imagery of a strong black slave like figure who is always looking for arms to feed his family or who beats his wife and children or who marries multiple women some as young as 12 or who is a swindler, embezzler and a copycat. So Next time you feel inspired to make the above declaration including the word 'typical', please follow the sentence with some explanations. No one not even you know what that means.
To me it is a derogatory term. A cop-out. An excuse for wanting to get away with bad unacceptable behavior. It means that you are a backward thinking cave man neanderthal who must be obeyed or else will unleash violence on your minions be they your family or tribesmen. It means you are a chauvinist who thinks women are to be acquired for your pleasure and as a status symbol. It means you do not yet know your true identity so you follow in the footsteps of your ignorant ancestors who did what their own ancestors did. It means you lack adequate education and relevance in the modern age and can never find true happiness as you have chosen to live like less than some animal species. Must I go on? I have searched and searched and anytime I hear the phrase 'A typical African man' it speaks volume for the chauvinistic behavior of an ignorant mind.
You cannot clean up after yourself. You need your food to be served to you, plates cleared up after you. Your slippers put on your feet. Your bed made up, house cleaned to perfection on a daily basis, your pregnant wife cooking, cleaning and kneeling to serve her master. You go and come as you please and no one can challenge or have a difference of opinion to yours. You have your cake and eat it. you are the king of your castle and are more stubborn than an ox. You think that Marriage was made for men and women are just there to inflate your over sized ego. You feel like unless you are this typical African man you are not a man at all.
Contrary to this my dear Typical African Man, there are millions of African men who never have to declare that they are so. They know they are men. They have chosen to learn from the mistakes of their fathers and seen the disastrous consequences of adopting the typical African man persona. They have purposed in their hearts whilst watching the disaster of a marriage their parents had that theirs will start a new legacy of mutual love and respect. They don't have to be waited on day and night to be assured of their manhood. They serve because they understand fully that true leaders are servants. They show their affections because they desire to receive likewise and are not under the impression that if you show a woman you are fond of them they will manipulate you. They open doors for their wives, feed and change babies. Read bedtime stories to their children, are present in the parenting of their offspring. They take family holidays, go on romantic getaways with their wives not girlfriends, give their wives time off to rest and recuperate because they understand that if they need that 'me' time so does their wives. They are educated enough to understand that if both parents work something has to give, so they pay for house helps in order not to kill their wives. They have discovered that you can either have a wife or a house-girl but not both in the same woman. So in understanding the Virtuous Woman persona as related by King Solomon in the book of proverbs they have come to conclude that the woman rules her house she instructs her MAIDSERVANTS. So they are not threatened by the woman not serving them because she is otherwise occupied in bringing in an equivalent if not higher income which places demands on her time and attention, they help out in the home and call their wives blessed among women.
So next time you desire to give the excuse of being a typical African man, pause and think. Am I really? If so be ashamed. Be very very Ashamed.
Thursday, 29 July 2010
Intimacy, The little thing we forget so easily.
Someone sent me this email and i thought i should include it here.
To those who are married, .. Not married .. and soon to be married
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and
said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly.
Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know
what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly,
why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the
chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't
talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what
had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory
answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just
pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated
that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent
ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for
her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I
had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of
me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a
kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several
weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something
at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell
asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not
care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want
anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce.
She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal
a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a
month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken
marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to
recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of
our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going
crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd
request.
I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions.. She laughed loudly and
thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to
face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was
explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we
both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy
in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to
the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in
my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about
the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door... She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the
office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my
chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I
hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she
was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair
was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I
wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy
returning... This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to
me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was
growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry
her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me
stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few
dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my
dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so
thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily...
Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her
heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out.
To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an
essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer
and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I
might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms,
walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her
hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly;
it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held
her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I
held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked
intimacy.
I drove to office... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the
door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked
upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not
want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have
a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I
won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I
didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each
other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on
our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed
the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my
wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and
wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I
run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a
relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the
bank, blah..blah..blah. These create an environment conducive for
happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be
your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that
build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.
If you do, you just might save a marriage.
"Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. {Proverbs 12:18}"
To those who are married, .. Not married .. and soon to be married
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and
said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly.
Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know
what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly,
why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the
chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't
talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what
had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory
answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just
pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated
that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent
ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for
her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I
had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of
me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a
kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several
weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something
at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell
asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not
care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want
anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce.
She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal
a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a
month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken
marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to
recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of
our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going
crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd
request.
I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions.. She laughed loudly and
thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to
face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was
explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we
both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy
in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to
the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in
my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about
the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door... She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the
office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my
chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I
hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she
was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair
was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I
wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy
returning... This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to
me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was
growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry
her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me
stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few
dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my
dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so
thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily...
Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her
heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out.
To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an
essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer
and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I
might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms,
walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her
hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly;
it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held
her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I
held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked
intimacy.
I drove to office... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the
door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked
upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not
want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have
a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I
won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I
didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each
other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on
our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed
the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my
wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and
wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I
run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a
relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the
bank, blah..blah..blah. These create an environment conducive for
happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be
your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that
build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.
If you do, you just might save a marriage.
"Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. {Proverbs 12:18}"
Tuesday, 13 July 2010
What is my true purpose in my marriage and in my life? part 2
The human is being.
The human is the Body and the being is the life Spirit breathed in by God. BASICALLY God entered the human and started living in the restricted house he built for himself. God can perfectly live as the absolute everything as well as the smallest thing. Apart and engaged he can be. So in order to enjoy the earth God took a part of himself that carried all of his attributes and entered the human house we call the body. Here he is restricted to whatever rule that human man decide to live by until it discovers that the body is not the person.
So the rule by which God lives in the human seems to be as follows.
- Created a human
- In my image
- In my likeness
- Enter him and undergo a process of forgetful reawakening.
- I forget who I am,
- I become defined by my environment
- When I get tired and begin to wonder what the purpose of this is all about
- I begin a journey of rediscovering who I truly am
- I re- member
- I re- wind
- I re- new
- I re- turn
- I re- born
So God still the ultimate absolute, for his own play and enjoyment created Clones of himself in the greatest game of all called the game of being.
The human bit is the body, which is the most complex organism in the universe so profound it is a universe of its own. Scientists are just beginning to discover so many aspects of just this body but they would have saved time if they had asked the spiritual adepts such as Pythagoras, Socrates, and Jesus Christ. All the same in this great game, the creator has put down the rules of engagements which is as follows
- Scientists must use the tools created by them to discover what they cannot see with the naked eye.
- The spiritual people will know what they have not proved with material creations
- Scientists will confirm what the others have known without proof
- When the two sides work together greater things will be discovered and many woes will seize as a result of the eradication of ego and dogma.
So we have this game being played for generations. In every century a few people will be given glimpses into the other world and they will bring to our dimensions what science calls a breakthrough and the spiritual people call a revelation. It’s all words. And words bring our greatest divisions.
The tower of Babel was used by God to reveal to us that words are our greatest dividers and it was words that caused the idea of separation that has resulted in so much suffering on the planet. Also he subtly gave us the solution all in one breath, Ladies and gentlemen God is awesome. In your greatest weakness comes your greatest strength. From the darkest night comes the brightest day. In your lacking everything comes your owning all things. In your detachment comes your highest enjoyment. In your slavery comes your greatest freedom. Wow. God is indeed a circle.
Back to my discussion, Man, the body is called The human, and man, the spirit is called the human being. To err is indeed human but to forgive is divine. So whenever a human is erring it is a sign that the human is not being but doing; doing to please himself, his household, community, religion of government.
Whenever we act from doing, we stop acting from being. A dog who seats on a toilet is no longer a dog but a human. A human who crawls on its belly is no longer a human but a snake. We were created to be not to do. We spend all our lives doing and not being and wonder why we are so dissatisfied with our lives. We live under the motto of “what will people say” and despise those who have decided not to. We call them lazy and a menace because they do not care what people including you say anymore.
You pretend to be happy when you lie to yourself first and then all around you. When will you learn that the key to your happiness lies in you being true to yourself. Be frank with yourself and you will discover that the only things you will loose in life by your honesty to yourself you do not need to be. They are the things that have dragged you down into the bondage of doing.
The human is the Body and the being is the life Spirit breathed in by God. BASICALLY God entered the human and started living in the restricted house he built for himself. God can perfectly live as the absolute everything as well as the smallest thing. Apart and engaged he can be. So in order to enjoy the earth God took a part of himself that carried all of his attributes and entered the human house we call the body. Here he is restricted to whatever rule that human man decide to live by until it discovers that the body is not the person.
So the rule by which God lives in the human seems to be as follows.
- Created a human
- In my image
- In my likeness
- Enter him and undergo a process of forgetful reawakening.
- I forget who I am,
- I become defined by my environment
- When I get tired and begin to wonder what the purpose of this is all about
- I begin a journey of rediscovering who I truly am
- I re- member
- I re- wind
- I re- new
- I re- turn
- I re- born
So God still the ultimate absolute, for his own play and enjoyment created Clones of himself in the greatest game of all called the game of being.
The human bit is the body, which is the most complex organism in the universe so profound it is a universe of its own. Scientists are just beginning to discover so many aspects of just this body but they would have saved time if they had asked the spiritual adepts such as Pythagoras, Socrates, and Jesus Christ. All the same in this great game, the creator has put down the rules of engagements which is as follows
- Scientists must use the tools created by them to discover what they cannot see with the naked eye.
- The spiritual people will know what they have not proved with material creations
- Scientists will confirm what the others have known without proof
- When the two sides work together greater things will be discovered and many woes will seize as a result of the eradication of ego and dogma.
So we have this game being played for generations. In every century a few people will be given glimpses into the other world and they will bring to our dimensions what science calls a breakthrough and the spiritual people call a revelation. It’s all words. And words bring our greatest divisions.
The tower of Babel was used by God to reveal to us that words are our greatest dividers and it was words that caused the idea of separation that has resulted in so much suffering on the planet. Also he subtly gave us the solution all in one breath, Ladies and gentlemen God is awesome. In your greatest weakness comes your greatest strength. From the darkest night comes the brightest day. In your lacking everything comes your owning all things. In your detachment comes your highest enjoyment. In your slavery comes your greatest freedom. Wow. God is indeed a circle.
Back to my discussion, Man, the body is called The human, and man, the spirit is called the human being. To err is indeed human but to forgive is divine. So whenever a human is erring it is a sign that the human is not being but doing; doing to please himself, his household, community, religion of government.
Whenever we act from doing, we stop acting from being. A dog who seats on a toilet is no longer a dog but a human. A human who crawls on its belly is no longer a human but a snake. We were created to be not to do. We spend all our lives doing and not being and wonder why we are so dissatisfied with our lives. We live under the motto of “what will people say” and despise those who have decided not to. We call them lazy and a menace because they do not care what people including you say anymore.
You pretend to be happy when you lie to yourself first and then all around you. When will you learn that the key to your happiness lies in you being true to yourself. Be frank with yourself and you will discover that the only things you will loose in life by your honesty to yourself you do not need to be. They are the things that have dragged you down into the bondage of doing.
What is my true purpose in my marriage and in my life? part 1
Part 1: The creation of Man
Who really knows the real purpose of marriage?
Some people say that it is for man not to be alone according to the word of God in Gen:2:18
Why, because no companion was found suitable for man amongst the animals and plants.
Think about it. No dog, or bear, or cattle, or cat or house plants of goldfish or snake etc was found by the creator as a suitable helpmate for man.
The definition here of man is the one made in the image of God in who is the life and essence of the creator. The only one given the mandate to create and to dominate and rule all other creations on the earth. The one for whom the earth was created. These sayings are true.
- The earth was made for man and not man for the earth.
- The Sabbath was made for man and not man for the Sabbath
- Work was made for man and not man for work
- Marriage was made for man and not man for marriage
- Man was made for a purpose and that purpose was creating.
The purpose of something can be denoted as to what role it plays in the grand design. Whatever is created last is the greater than what was created first. Jesus pointed to this very subtly in his teachings when he hinted that
“The last shall be first and the first last.” This is not about value and superiority, hierarchy or prestige. This is about the grand purpose of God. If we are to watch the procedure of creation we can tell what really matters to the creator. Before we look at the earth let us look at the production of the computer.
In isolation the plastic for the monitor and key board are of no use to the end user. The aluminum and copper wires make no sense on their own but in the hands of the computer manufacturer somewhere in china, who has the blue prints for the production of the laptop and understands its purpose, each material used is valuable to him and the computer is most valuable to him as the materials on their own are just raw materials, but the laptop is called stock. This can cost 100 times the value of the components that was used in its production. The creator is the only one who values the creature most for S/He alone knows the value of the components that were used in its creation and the time and effort that has gone in producing a prototype and blue print.
Money, time, education, resources have all gone into the production of the laptop. It took more of these to produce the very first one than the latest one. Anyway, my point here is that the Creator alone knows the value he placed on your life. He created Man last and all the components to ensure its survival and function first. Let us take a look at the process for the manufacture of the human being.
First, Darkness. The earth was non and void and darkness covered the face of the deep. What does that mean? It means that we have here the necessary elements for the big bang to happen on cue. In Steven Hawkins universe, it shows vividly how messy this non and void darkness thing was. It was like being in a nightmarish state from within. It was also awesome.
I really think that the person who wrote this account had a similar experience. Anyway it is recorded that the spirit of God was moving over the waters . So we know that water was not created at the beginning of the earth as we know it. Water is part of God.
Then on cue God said, “Light come forth” and we know what happened next. Bang!!!!!!. Here comes the big bang. I will not waste my time here telling you about the rest of the theory suffice it to say that scientists have been playing catch up with spirit ever since. I do admire them and respect their quest for knowledge. God enjoys revealing his secrets to those who will take the time to ask him.
Anyway, the scene was set for the rest of God’s creation. Steven Hawkins called his unexplained “Luck”. For lack of a better word I call it God. Anyway we now have light, the main sustenance of all life forms yet to be created and the ultimate sustenance of the greatest creation for which all this was formed, MAN.
The plants, then animals and birds and their various evolutionary states to Man. God Formed man out of the earth, that means out of all the elements he had just created. Science can prove that the body of, man is made up of all the elements in our atmosphere. So we know that if man can control his body he will control the earth. That is what God meant when he said have dominion over the whole earth. That means over your body first and the rest of the earth will obey you. We have discovered that people who have powers over the elements of the universe are highly focused and self controlled human beings.
Why because they have learnt how to control the number one force , their body and all the elements that make it up.
Repeat after me, I am the earth and the earth is me. I and the earth are one.
So the elements, wind, water, fire, air, earth, etc are all in our bodies. So are all the colours we see and all the lights we see. Basically what you are looking at everyday is yourself but repackaged. So treat well what you see and you will be treated well in return.
This is why we must look after our environment. It was put in place to sustain us. Just like a laptop will spoil if put in fire or water so our bodies will be destroyed if exposed to similar conditions. No one in their right mind will deliberately pour water or expose their laptop to fire for they know the consequences of their actions. Likewise we as human beings must stop subjecting our living environment to disaster causing behaviors and actions. We must take better care of ourselves by taking good care of our environment. We can all live without money but we will all perish with all the money in the world and pollution.
It is time for us to have our priorities right. The pursuit of wealth and power at the cost of the universe is the most bizarre suicidal bid mankind has ever embarked on. Where do we intend to live will bag loads of money and no home? In the air? These points need a lot of time and I am only dishing out a few pointers for you to go and think about.
Now back to the earth. Man has a special relationship to the earth as follows
- The earth was made for man
- Man was made to rule over the earth
- Man was made to dress and keep the earth
- Man will perish without the earth
- Man must understand it’s relationship with the earth
The woman was made from the man according to the Good book Gen 2:18-25
Let us now look at this in detail
Man, was formed from the dust of the earth and God breathed into man his life and made became a Human Being.
Who really knows the real purpose of marriage?
Some people say that it is for man not to be alone according to the word of God in Gen:2:18
Why, because no companion was found suitable for man amongst the animals and plants.
Think about it. No dog, or bear, or cattle, or cat or house plants of goldfish or snake etc was found by the creator as a suitable helpmate for man.
The definition here of man is the one made in the image of God in who is the life and essence of the creator. The only one given the mandate to create and to dominate and rule all other creations on the earth. The one for whom the earth was created. These sayings are true.
- The earth was made for man and not man for the earth.
- The Sabbath was made for man and not man for the Sabbath
- Work was made for man and not man for work
- Marriage was made for man and not man for marriage
- Man was made for a purpose and that purpose was creating.
The purpose of something can be denoted as to what role it plays in the grand design. Whatever is created last is the greater than what was created first. Jesus pointed to this very subtly in his teachings when he hinted that
“The last shall be first and the first last.” This is not about value and superiority, hierarchy or prestige. This is about the grand purpose of God. If we are to watch the procedure of creation we can tell what really matters to the creator. Before we look at the earth let us look at the production of the computer.
In isolation the plastic for the monitor and key board are of no use to the end user. The aluminum and copper wires make no sense on their own but in the hands of the computer manufacturer somewhere in china, who has the blue prints for the production of the laptop and understands its purpose, each material used is valuable to him and the computer is most valuable to him as the materials on their own are just raw materials, but the laptop is called stock. This can cost 100 times the value of the components that was used in its production. The creator is the only one who values the creature most for S/He alone knows the value of the components that were used in its creation and the time and effort that has gone in producing a prototype and blue print.
Money, time, education, resources have all gone into the production of the laptop. It took more of these to produce the very first one than the latest one. Anyway, my point here is that the Creator alone knows the value he placed on your life. He created Man last and all the components to ensure its survival and function first. Let us take a look at the process for the manufacture of the human being.
First, Darkness. The earth was non and void and darkness covered the face of the deep. What does that mean? It means that we have here the necessary elements for the big bang to happen on cue. In Steven Hawkins universe, it shows vividly how messy this non and void darkness thing was. It was like being in a nightmarish state from within. It was also awesome.
I really think that the person who wrote this account had a similar experience. Anyway it is recorded that the spirit of God was moving over the waters . So we know that water was not created at the beginning of the earth as we know it. Water is part of God.
Then on cue God said, “Light come forth” and we know what happened next. Bang!!!!!!. Here comes the big bang. I will not waste my time here telling you about the rest of the theory suffice it to say that scientists have been playing catch up with spirit ever since. I do admire them and respect their quest for knowledge. God enjoys revealing his secrets to those who will take the time to ask him.
Anyway, the scene was set for the rest of God’s creation. Steven Hawkins called his unexplained “Luck”. For lack of a better word I call it God. Anyway we now have light, the main sustenance of all life forms yet to be created and the ultimate sustenance of the greatest creation for which all this was formed, MAN.
The plants, then animals and birds and their various evolutionary states to Man. God Formed man out of the earth, that means out of all the elements he had just created. Science can prove that the body of, man is made up of all the elements in our atmosphere. So we know that if man can control his body he will control the earth. That is what God meant when he said have dominion over the whole earth. That means over your body first and the rest of the earth will obey you. We have discovered that people who have powers over the elements of the universe are highly focused and self controlled human beings.
Why because they have learnt how to control the number one force , their body and all the elements that make it up.
Repeat after me, I am the earth and the earth is me. I and the earth are one.
So the elements, wind, water, fire, air, earth, etc are all in our bodies. So are all the colours we see and all the lights we see. Basically what you are looking at everyday is yourself but repackaged. So treat well what you see and you will be treated well in return.
This is why we must look after our environment. It was put in place to sustain us. Just like a laptop will spoil if put in fire or water so our bodies will be destroyed if exposed to similar conditions. No one in their right mind will deliberately pour water or expose their laptop to fire for they know the consequences of their actions. Likewise we as human beings must stop subjecting our living environment to disaster causing behaviors and actions. We must take better care of ourselves by taking good care of our environment. We can all live without money but we will all perish with all the money in the world and pollution.
It is time for us to have our priorities right. The pursuit of wealth and power at the cost of the universe is the most bizarre suicidal bid mankind has ever embarked on. Where do we intend to live will bag loads of money and no home? In the air? These points need a lot of time and I am only dishing out a few pointers for you to go and think about.
Now back to the earth. Man has a special relationship to the earth as follows
- The earth was made for man
- Man was made to rule over the earth
- Man was made to dress and keep the earth
- Man will perish without the earth
- Man must understand it’s relationship with the earth
The woman was made from the man according to the Good book Gen 2:18-25
Let us now look at this in detail
Man, was formed from the dust of the earth and God breathed into man his life and made became a Human Being.
Self Evaluation questions on why I chose my spouse as my life partner
Why I married.
Love, mum and dad, biological clock ticking, I got pregnant, security, fear of loneliness and failure, peer pressure, immigration, sex, running away from my sexuality issues, Status improvement, money or religion.
Why I choose my spouse.
-They fulfilled one of the above.
-They were available
-I could take advantage of them
-They love me.
- It was the will of God
They are handsome, beautiful, had a nice car, money, house, educated, intelligent, had prospects, soul mate God told me to do it, pressure from family, culture, tribe they were the father mother of my child they were my friend.
Did I have a vision for my marriage?
Yes.
-To have children, to show that I can be married too.
-To help in my job and ministry.
-For somebody to take care of me.
-To love and to be loved.
-To gain security financially and emotionally.
-To have someone to can call my own.
-To become fully acceptable and respected in my community.
NO
-I just wanted to get married to be with my partner forever.
Is the Vision for your marriage being fulfilled.
Yes
No.
Do I really know what I wanted when I got married?
No, I was still a child mentally.
Yes, I had it all planned out.
Do I really know what I want in life now?
Is it set in stone or will my desires change with time? Why?
Have I made contingency plans if my desires change with time?
Am I prepared to give my spouse the same grace that their desires will grow and change with time? If not why not?
Love, mum and dad, biological clock ticking, I got pregnant, security, fear of loneliness and failure, peer pressure, immigration, sex, running away from my sexuality issues, Status improvement, money or religion.
Why I choose my spouse.
-They fulfilled one of the above.
-They were available
-I could take advantage of them
-They love me.
- It was the will of God
They are handsome, beautiful, had a nice car, money, house, educated, intelligent, had prospects, soul mate God told me to do it, pressure from family, culture, tribe they were the father mother of my child they were my friend.
Did I have a vision for my marriage?
Yes.
-To have children, to show that I can be married too.
-To help in my job and ministry.
-For somebody to take care of me.
-To love and to be loved.
-To gain security financially and emotionally.
-To have someone to can call my own.
-To become fully acceptable and respected in my community.
NO
-I just wanted to get married to be with my partner forever.
Is the Vision for your marriage being fulfilled.
Yes
No.
Do I really know what I wanted when I got married?
No, I was still a child mentally.
Yes, I had it all planned out.
Do I really know what I want in life now?
Is it set in stone or will my desires change with time? Why?
Have I made contingency plans if my desires change with time?
Am I prepared to give my spouse the same grace that their desires will grow and change with time? If not why not?
Ignorance – Our worst Enemy
Why is God so much against ignorance? Because it is your greatest enemy. It is the ignorance of yourself that causes the ego in you to rule as king. The psalmist understood this so well and that is why he said in. Ecl. 10:7 “I have seen slaves on horses, and princes walking like slaves on the earth” Why, because the real you has submitted itself to the conditions that it thinks is necessary for self preservation. Jesus said deny your flesh. He actually meant deny the ego its cravings for whatever that may be. It could be for power, money, fame, food, recognition, and prestige whatever. Is it because the lord does not want you to enjoy these things? No. it is because the pursuant of these things drown you in a false identity. Your attachment to these things will rob you of discovering who you are. If you truly know who you are then your enjoying these things will be for a purpose.
My pastor always says that when the purpose of a thing is not known then abuse is imminent. If your desire for fame is to give you identity, then you have not truly discovered the true purpose of fame. If you discover your true identity then you will wonder whether fame will serve you fulfilling your divine purpose or hinder it.
If your true identity is a leader then perhaps fame is a tool to bring you to fulfillment. If your true purpose in life is to train a few people in the art of deep union with God then fame will distract you.
I hope you get my point.
Discover who you are you will choose what happens to you. You will not happen to the world. Coming back to marriage all of you here have made the decision to marry. I will now like you to explore in your mind why you really got married. Be true to yourself this is a journey in self discovery without guilt, condemnation or judgment. Be true to yourself. Ask the hard question.
1 . Why did I really get married? The answer is already on your tongue. Write down every reason your mind comes up with and keep probing it.
2. Why did I choose my spouse as a marriage partner?
3. Did I have a vision for my marriage?
4. Is that vision being fulfilled?
5.Do I really know what I wanted when I got married?
6. Do I know what I want now?
7. What is my real purpose in life and why do I think it is?
These are personal questions for your eyes only. You need to understand yourself so that you can fully function in a marriage relationship. Understanding your priorities is the key to that.
Through skillful and godly Wisdom is a house (a life, a home, a family) built, and by understanding it is established [on a sound and good foundation. And by knowledge shall its chambers [of every area] be filled with all precious and pleasant riches PROV 24:3-4amp
If you want to enjoy the ultimate absolute in any given area without fantasy and dream then get the knowledge of that thing and get true knowledge of it.
When we come back we will tackle the answers and face the demons that we have been hiding from all this time. Jesus said that he hates hypocrites so let us use the light to expose the darkness and clean out the cobwebs of our lives.
My pastor always says that when the purpose of a thing is not known then abuse is imminent. If your desire for fame is to give you identity, then you have not truly discovered the true purpose of fame. If you discover your true identity then you will wonder whether fame will serve you fulfilling your divine purpose or hinder it.
If your true identity is a leader then perhaps fame is a tool to bring you to fulfillment. If your true purpose in life is to train a few people in the art of deep union with God then fame will distract you.
I hope you get my point.
Discover who you are you will choose what happens to you. You will not happen to the world. Coming back to marriage all of you here have made the decision to marry. I will now like you to explore in your mind why you really got married. Be true to yourself this is a journey in self discovery without guilt, condemnation or judgment. Be true to yourself. Ask the hard question.
1 . Why did I really get married? The answer is already on your tongue. Write down every reason your mind comes up with and keep probing it.
2. Why did I choose my spouse as a marriage partner?
3. Did I have a vision for my marriage?
4. Is that vision being fulfilled?
5.Do I really know what I wanted when I got married?
6. Do I know what I want now?
7. What is my real purpose in life and why do I think it is?
These are personal questions for your eyes only. You need to understand yourself so that you can fully function in a marriage relationship. Understanding your priorities is the key to that.
Through skillful and godly Wisdom is a house (a life, a home, a family) built, and by understanding it is established [on a sound and good foundation. And by knowledge shall its chambers [of every area] be filled with all precious and pleasant riches PROV 24:3-4amp
If you want to enjoy the ultimate absolute in any given area without fantasy and dream then get the knowledge of that thing and get true knowledge of it.
When we come back we will tackle the answers and face the demons that we have been hiding from all this time. Jesus said that he hates hypocrites so let us use the light to expose the darkness and clean out the cobwebs of our lives.
Ignorance – Our worst Enemy
Why is God so much against ignorance? Because it is your greatest enemy. It is the ignorance of yourself that causes the ego in you to rule as king. The psalmist understood this so well and that is why he said in. Ecl. 10:7 “I have seen slaves on horses, and princes walking like slaves on the earth” Why, because the real you has submitted itself to the conditions that it thinks is necessary for self preservation. Jesus said deny your flesh. He actually meant deny the ego its cravings for whatever that may be. It could be for power, money, fame, food, recognition, and prestige whatever. Is it because the lord does not want you to enjoy these things? No. it is because the pursuant of these things drown you in a false identity. Your attachment to these things will rob you of discovering who you are. If you truly know who you are then your enjoying these things will be for a purpose.
My pastor always says that when the purpose of a thing is not known then abuse is imminent. If your desire for fame is to give you identity, then you have not truly discovered the true purpose of fame. If you discover your true identity then you will wonder whether fame will serve you fulfilling your divine purpose or hinder it.
If your true identity is a leader then perhaps fame is a tool to bring you to fulfillment. If your true purpose in life is to train a few people in the art of deep union with God then fame will distract you.
I hope you get my point.
Discover who you are you will choose what happens to you. You will not happen to the world. Coming back to marriage all of you here have made the decision to marry. I will now like you to explore in your mind why you really got married. Be true to yourself this is a journey in self discovery without guilt, condemnation or judgment. Be true to yourself. Ask the hard question.
1 . Why did I really get married? The answer is already on your tongue. Write down every reason your mind comes up with and keep probing it.
2. Why did I choose my spouse as a marriage partner?
3. Did I have a vision for my marriage?
4. Is that vision being fulfilled?
5.Do I really know what I wanted when I got married?
6. Do I know what I want now?
7. What is my real purpose in life and why do I think it is?
These are personal questions for your eyes only. You need to understand yourself so that you can fully function in a marriage relationship. Understanding your priorities is the key to that.
Through skillful and godly Wisdom is a house (a life, a home, a family) built, and by understanding it is established [on a sound and good foundation. And by knowledge shall its chambers [of every area] be filled with all precious and pleasant riches PROV 24:3-4amp
If you want to enjoy the ultimate absolute in any given area without fantasy and dream then get the knowledge of that thing and get true knowledge of it.
When we come back we will tackle the answers and face the demons that we have been hiding from all this time. Jesus said that he hates hypocrites so let us use the light to expose the darkness and clean out the cobwebs of our lives.
My pastor always says that when the purpose of a thing is not known then abuse is imminent. If your desire for fame is to give you identity, then you have not truly discovered the true purpose of fame. If you discover your true identity then you will wonder whether fame will serve you fulfilling your divine purpose or hinder it.
If your true identity is a leader then perhaps fame is a tool to bring you to fulfillment. If your true purpose in life is to train a few people in the art of deep union with God then fame will distract you.
I hope you get my point.
Discover who you are you will choose what happens to you. You will not happen to the world. Coming back to marriage all of you here have made the decision to marry. I will now like you to explore in your mind why you really got married. Be true to yourself this is a journey in self discovery without guilt, condemnation or judgment. Be true to yourself. Ask the hard question.
1 . Why did I really get married? The answer is already on your tongue. Write down every reason your mind comes up with and keep probing it.
2. Why did I choose my spouse as a marriage partner?
3. Did I have a vision for my marriage?
4. Is that vision being fulfilled?
5.Do I really know what I wanted when I got married?
6. Do I know what I want now?
7. What is my real purpose in life and why do I think it is?
These are personal questions for your eyes only. You need to understand yourself so that you can fully function in a marriage relationship. Understanding your priorities is the key to that.
Through skillful and godly Wisdom is a house (a life, a home, a family) built, and by understanding it is established [on a sound and good foundation. And by knowledge shall its chambers [of every area] be filled with all precious and pleasant riches PROV 24:3-4amp
If you want to enjoy the ultimate absolute in any given area without fantasy and dream then get the knowledge of that thing and get true knowledge of it.
When we come back we will tackle the answers and face the demons that we have been hiding from all this time. Jesus said that he hates hypocrites so let us use the light to expose the darkness and clean out the cobwebs of our lives.
To be or not to be, that's the question.
Most people prefer to live on the surface of their lives and run away from themselves through, work, sex, and affairs of life. In order to grow and be truly fulfilled one must look inward and prepare yourself to answer the hard questions. God said in Isaiah. Chap 2: “come now let us reason together” “If you are willing and obedient you will eat the good of the land”
What does that really mean? Willingness to discover the good and bad, strength and weaknesses, ignorance and wisdom that has all been bundled up to create what you have called me or I.
You are the compilation of memories and conditioning, nothing more. Unless you consider yourself squarely, you will be living a lie for the rest of your life. You might end up achieving a lot in life, money, fame, power but you will still lack the ultimate fulfillment because you have hid yourself from the truth about you.
The bible has shown you who you are but how many people really understand that.
Ask the hard questions and you will come to the truth about yourself. When you truly know who you are then no task will be impossible for you. You will not spend time doing what others say but what will bring you ultimate fulfillment and what will make you do the will of God. Your true purpose in life that will bring you ultimate fulfillment is directly linked with your God purpose.
Jesus said it clearly. My meat is to do the father’s will and to complete it. Had Jesus listened to his culture and religion at that time, he will be married with children and doing carpentry. He will be making ends meet and living a mediocre existence. But he went to the wilderness and asked himself the hard questions. 3 times he was tried by the devil until he fully realized his true identity.
The word of God said that after that, angels ministered to him. He was endued with power from on high and he came out of the wilderness full of the Holy Ghost and power. Fully aware of his life’s purpose and not once did he deviate from it.
Most of us start out in life wanting to be like the Jones. We criticize those few souls who have discovered their true calling and are actively pursuing it whether or not it will make them rich. We all start out wanting to make a lot of money so that we do not have to know what it truly means to depend on God for our daily bread.
We become copy cats. We invest a lot of money to have other people tell us what things mean and how life is to work for us. We copy other people’s way of life and philosophies and we make them our own. We listen to everybody except the spirit of God. When we do listen and it sounds a bit farfetched from the general status quo of the community that we live in, we bind it and send it to hell or we lay it down and continue the 9 to 5 rat race.
Why? It is because of fear. Fear of the wilderness experience. Fear of the 40days without food and shelter and full of mind bombardment. 40 days of asking the hard questions and sometimes wrestling with the answers that seems absurd. Yes, the fear of discovering our true self is why we prefer the safe route of ignorance. But the Father already said. My people perish because of lack of knowledge. Or they are led into captivity. Ask of me and I will answer and show you great and mighty things that you know not of. Come to me all you are heavy laden. Learn from me and you will find rest for your souls. He instructed Isaiah in 6:9-12 tell them to continue being ignorant until they all perish and the land they once lived in is devastated. “Otherwise, if they turn to me I will heal them” He said.
What does that really mean? Willingness to discover the good and bad, strength and weaknesses, ignorance and wisdom that has all been bundled up to create what you have called me or I.
You are the compilation of memories and conditioning, nothing more. Unless you consider yourself squarely, you will be living a lie for the rest of your life. You might end up achieving a lot in life, money, fame, power but you will still lack the ultimate fulfillment because you have hid yourself from the truth about you.
The bible has shown you who you are but how many people really understand that.
Ask the hard questions and you will come to the truth about yourself. When you truly know who you are then no task will be impossible for you. You will not spend time doing what others say but what will bring you ultimate fulfillment and what will make you do the will of God. Your true purpose in life that will bring you ultimate fulfillment is directly linked with your God purpose.
Jesus said it clearly. My meat is to do the father’s will and to complete it. Had Jesus listened to his culture and religion at that time, he will be married with children and doing carpentry. He will be making ends meet and living a mediocre existence. But he went to the wilderness and asked himself the hard questions. 3 times he was tried by the devil until he fully realized his true identity.
The word of God said that after that, angels ministered to him. He was endued with power from on high and he came out of the wilderness full of the Holy Ghost and power. Fully aware of his life’s purpose and not once did he deviate from it.
Most of us start out in life wanting to be like the Jones. We criticize those few souls who have discovered their true calling and are actively pursuing it whether or not it will make them rich. We all start out wanting to make a lot of money so that we do not have to know what it truly means to depend on God for our daily bread.
We become copy cats. We invest a lot of money to have other people tell us what things mean and how life is to work for us. We copy other people’s way of life and philosophies and we make them our own. We listen to everybody except the spirit of God. When we do listen and it sounds a bit farfetched from the general status quo of the community that we live in, we bind it and send it to hell or we lay it down and continue the 9 to 5 rat race.
Why? It is because of fear. Fear of the wilderness experience. Fear of the 40days without food and shelter and full of mind bombardment. 40 days of asking the hard questions and sometimes wrestling with the answers that seems absurd. Yes, the fear of discovering our true self is why we prefer the safe route of ignorance. But the Father already said. My people perish because of lack of knowledge. Or they are led into captivity. Ask of me and I will answer and show you great and mighty things that you know not of. Come to me all you are heavy laden. Learn from me and you will find rest for your souls. He instructed Isaiah in 6:9-12 tell them to continue being ignorant until they all perish and the land they once lived in is devastated. “Otherwise, if they turn to me I will heal them” He said.
Understanding the foundation of marriage
In order to start working on ultimate intimacy one must go back to the beginning and ask the hard questions. Shakespeare once wrote
This above all:
To thine own self be true,
for it must follow as dost the night the day,
that canst not then be false to any man.
- Shakespeare (Hamlet) inspired by Socrates (Know thyself
How many people here have a formal education?
How many years have you been educated? I mean from nursery to PHD. How much time do you think you have spent in exams and studying exams? How many of you passed all your exams first time around. How much money do you think has been spent on your education? Has it all been worthwhile?
How many years have you spend on a formal education about marriage? How many exams have you taken in this area? How much time have you spent studying to pass these exams? How many of you have first time passes. How much money have you invested in educating yourself about your marriage and building the marriage? I am not asking about the children here.
Now compare the 2 together. Which of these 2 have you spent the greatest energy. Which of these two is going to be there for you till you death do you part? Which of these 2 do you want to make the most priority in your life and why.
This above all:
To thine own self be true,
for it must follow as dost the night the day,
that canst not then be false to any man.
- Shakespeare (Hamlet) inspired by Socrates (Know thyself
How many people here have a formal education?
How many years have you been educated? I mean from nursery to PHD. How much time do you think you have spent in exams and studying exams? How many of you passed all your exams first time around. How much money do you think has been spent on your education? Has it all been worthwhile?
How many years have you spend on a formal education about marriage? How many exams have you taken in this area? How much time have you spent studying to pass these exams? How many of you have first time passes. How much money have you invested in educating yourself about your marriage and building the marriage? I am not asking about the children here.
Now compare the 2 together. Which of these 2 have you spent the greatest energy. Which of these two is going to be there for you till you death do you part? Which of these 2 do you want to make the most priority in your life and why.
Monday, 12 July 2010
Removing the plank from your eye in order to be able to view the speck from your spouse's.
A very wise man once commented that in order for you to see the speck of dust in another man's eye, you must first remove the huge plank of wood in your own eye. I find that statement very interesting and truthfull. It simply means that what ever fault you find in others, you have as a bigger fault in your own life. Thinking about it I believe that we are able to recognise the faults in others because we have failed to deal with it in our lives.
More so in marraige. We hear the comments about my wife or husband is not doing or is doing this and that and the picture always looks so bleak. What exactly did you expect?. The other half is in your life to make you whole. If you ask to be more loving, You are not going to recieve a nice poodle. No! you are going to get a raving mad dog who barks all night to test your love. Our dear partners are our best teachers, each individually designed to bring out the God image we have so carelessly forgotten we carry. They are designed to push, pull, drag and beat us into shape. Like the panel beater whose job is to beat the wrecked car's body back into its smooth curves, out partners job is to bring out our God image and likeness. They have been equiped with all the right tools . We may view these tools as ungodly, Evil, hurtfull, painful and even abusive.
Only our source knows who we really are and we are linked to the I. So we do know who we are but have eaten the bread of forgetfulness.Out partners are the antidote to forgetfulness and with each of them we will learn to bear all the God fruits if we really want to get to and become all of who we truely are. Most of the break-ups, divorces and seperations occur because one or more party in the relationship is not yet ready to 'grow up' or mature into their God image. They still think this is all there is and they do not want to grow into a matured God - Man.
Are you all of god yet?
Do these God Fruits grow from your life on a moment by moment basis or are they still a rare occurrence. Check them out and see.
LOVE, JOY, PEACE, PATIENCE, KINDNESS, GOODNESS, FAITHFULNESS, GENTLENESS AND SELF- CONTOL.
Yep!!
They are theGod Friuts. The closer you are to Godhood The more of these will become natural in your daily existence. You are these in essence but you have been trying to be it or fight against it so the fight continues. A dog does not fight to be a Dog. It knows it is one. 'You are Gods' Said Jesus the Christ. Stop trying to be it. Stop trying to not be it. It is the destinity of all humanity. The Source has never failed yet. He said at the beginning of this time"Let us make man in our image" He will get what he desired. So you can fight it, Rebel, Sing songs against it, Make new movies, hold discussion, lift placards and even have 'mid life crisises' to try and be something you were not created to be. Check it ou;- all the laptops that are not working as laptops are in the dump yard. If you do not be who you are you life on earth will feel like you are in the human dumpyard.
Its your choice. Grow up and take your place.
Be God in your community and make your marraige work. The whole creation is waiting for you to take your place. Rise to the challenge..............................................
More so in marraige. We hear the comments about my wife or husband is not doing or is doing this and that and the picture always looks so bleak. What exactly did you expect?. The other half is in your life to make you whole. If you ask to be more loving, You are not going to recieve a nice poodle. No! you are going to get a raving mad dog who barks all night to test your love. Our dear partners are our best teachers, each individually designed to bring out the God image we have so carelessly forgotten we carry. They are designed to push, pull, drag and beat us into shape. Like the panel beater whose job is to beat the wrecked car's body back into its smooth curves, out partners job is to bring out our God image and likeness. They have been equiped with all the right tools . We may view these tools as ungodly, Evil, hurtfull, painful and even abusive.
Only our source knows who we really are and we are linked to the I. So we do know who we are but have eaten the bread of forgetfulness.Out partners are the antidote to forgetfulness and with each of them we will learn to bear all the God fruits if we really want to get to and become all of who we truely are. Most of the break-ups, divorces and seperations occur because one or more party in the relationship is not yet ready to 'grow up' or mature into their God image. They still think this is all there is and they do not want to grow into a matured God - Man.
Are you all of god yet?
Do these God Fruits grow from your life on a moment by moment basis or are they still a rare occurrence. Check them out and see.
LOVE, JOY, PEACE, PATIENCE, KINDNESS, GOODNESS, FAITHFULNESS, GENTLENESS AND SELF- CONTOL.
Yep!!
They are theGod Friuts. The closer you are to Godhood The more of these will become natural in your daily existence. You are these in essence but you have been trying to be it or fight against it so the fight continues. A dog does not fight to be a Dog. It knows it is one. 'You are Gods' Said Jesus the Christ. Stop trying to be it. Stop trying to not be it. It is the destinity of all humanity. The Source has never failed yet. He said at the beginning of this time"Let us make man in our image" He will get what he desired. So you can fight it, Rebel, Sing songs against it, Make new movies, hold discussion, lift placards and even have 'mid life crisises' to try and be something you were not created to be. Check it ou;- all the laptops that are not working as laptops are in the dump yard. If you do not be who you are you life on earth will feel like you are in the human dumpyard.
Its your choice. Grow up and take your place.
Be God in your community and make your marraige work. The whole creation is waiting for you to take your place. Rise to the challenge..............................................
To Thyself be true
Who am I? Is the Question. How many people can correctly answer this question? In order to know the answer we have to go back to the source.The problem is that many people have different names and opinions about their source. Suffice it to say that for simplicity reasons there can only be one source so we call that source the I.
In the Beginning God. So what ever you call that Source we Will use the name 'I AM' as the source.Our human story starts from there commonly called, H-Story or History.
In the Beginning God. So what ever you call that Source we Will use the name 'I AM' as the source.Our human story starts from there commonly called, H-Story or History.
Loving your self first
Loving your self first
How can you prupose to love someone when you have not yet mastered the art of loving yourself? With hidden pet hates and conditionning you want to or have entered into a relationship with another human being. You may have even promised to love them till you die. Have you ever thought of making such a promise to your self first?
How many times have you wished you were like someone else? Maybe in physical appearance, mental capabilities, financial, interlectual or even religious. You are fully equiped for your own personal journey to self discovery.
How can you prupose to love someone when you have not yet mastered the art of loving yourself? With hidden pet hates and conditionning you want to or have entered into a relationship with another human being. You may have even promised to love them till you die. Have you ever thought of making such a promise to your self first?
How many times have you wished you were like someone else? Maybe in physical appearance, mental capabilities, financial, interlectual or even religious. You are fully equiped for your own personal journey to self discovery.
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