I remember Christmas morning some 12 years ago when it was time to open gifts. My beloved son was so excited to open the gifts underneath the tree. Not only was he excited to open his own gifts, he was also excited to see others open their gifts. Most of all he was particularly excited because he was expecting a special gift. His favorite TV program at that time was 'Thunderbird's Are Go' and he was hoping to get the rocket as a Christmas gift. Sure enough this special toy was among his many presents that morning. Together with it came books and flying saucers and so many other less desirable toys. I watched him open the less desirable toys first and with each, his eyes got wider. You should have seen his eyes when he opened the special rocket gift. he was so excited. He jumped up and down and gave his dad and I big bear hugs. I was so pleased for him. He played with all the toys for what seemed like a few hours and then he lost interest in them. It was enough for him to have the satisfaction of owning this special toy and all the others. That was good enough.
Marriage is a gift also. A very special gift indeed. There is so much excitement and anticipation before the big day. A lot of resources goes into the planning for the wedding day, that day that every little girl daydreams about a thousand times. The dress, the flowers, the hall, the honeymoon, the first kiss, walking up the Isle etc. Oh its all just too much for one little heart to take. So that day arrives and the deed is done, the vows are taken and someone gives you their most treasured possession, Themselve.
The Gift of a human being has been given to you. Now this has been done by a family whom you will now refer to as 'the in laws' but we tend to forget that someone gave you themselves; their body, soul and spirit, they entrusted to you for safekeeping. This is serious business. From that day on you take over the responsibility to nurture, protect, secure and enjoy that individual as the greatest gift you will or can ever receive on this earth.
Now comes the fun part, you go home together, now what? For most people that is it. Like my son they have had fun at the wedding and now life returns to normal. They get on with their business as usual and occasionally acknowledge that there is a responsibility to owning the heart of another. When called to attention, conflict arises and hearts are broken, trust is lost and a whole lot of problems raise their ugly heads. But is that how it is meant to be? Do we truly understand what is means to be entrusted with the ultimate gift of all. When we have children of our own we loose ourselves in providing for their security and well being but they are not the greatest of the gifts. The one who gave you themselves in marriage is your greatest treasure because that which lasts with you till death is your greatest treasure on this earth. Children grow up and choose to leave and give themselves to another naturally.
So how should the ultimate gift be treated. Perhaps in looking at how we treat other less special gifts that we consider treasures we may be able to see how we should be treating the ultimate gift 'the spouse'
Some people's greatest treasure is their car. They take better care of their car than they do of themselves. They keep it in mint conditions and give people rules of expected behaviors when they come near it or are carried in it. They will spend time with the car, polishing and spraying it to perfection and will buy all the latest gadgets to pimp it. For other people its their house. Moving into the right location and owning the right house is very important to them. They will make sure the house is renovated annually and upgrade the furniture as often as possible. they will buy state of the art entertainment for the house and give laws to the occupants as to the expected behavior required for them to be occupants in the house. To the point that the spouses and children are slaves in their own homes and the house is no longer a home but a show piece. In the same manner for others its their Jobs or ministry. They are always involved in one project or another and cannot find time to rest. To another it could be their body. They may spend all their time adorning the body with the most expensive products and spending a lot of time grooming it.Whatever it is it occupies the highest place in their hearts and remains their top priority.
So what happens when such a person decides to get married. Does it mean that they have considered that they are about to make someone else their top priority or are they under the illusion that the person marrying them will just come along and line up with the others in his life to enable him to continue to make that treasure of theirs top priority? I really think the latter is the case. Most people getting married do not seat down and consider that marriage is the greatest responsibility and priority any human being will ever have. The feeling rules the mind and overcomes the body and they forget to fully deliberate on the consequences of their pending actions on their time, resources, and emotions. Indeed fools rush in where angels dare to dread.
It takes wisdom to stay married. A wedding is like any other occasion. Its just another party and that is nothing compares to what marriage is all about. Now that you are married what next? Did you consider that it means that you have to become matured and responsible? Someone else is now counting on your decisions. You cannot afford to make hasty on the fly decisions because you have to consider another point of view and whether that decision is going to bring security and peace to the one whose heart you so willingly took as your own.
Did you consider that you may have to deny yourself some of the pleasures you once enjoyed to put food on the table and a roof over the gift you call your spouse. Living like a singe person or a bachelor has to quickly be eradicated from your mindset. You are now plus 1. Deal with it. All your decision making processes will need a revamp. What you do, where you go, who you hang out with, what you buy, who you confide in , whose opinion matters to you, what you spend your money on, where you go for relaxation and entertainment, etc etc all has to be considered and changed to fit the life of a married person.
It takes a lifestyle change to stay married and this lifestyle change happens over and over again as circumstances change within the marriage. If a child enters the marriage there will be further adjustments, if more children enters the marriage there will be further adjustments, if there is any loss or gain in terms of finances, health, re-locations, inheritances, children leaving etc etc. Marriage is life. As we grow and our likes and dislikes are ever changing so we must learn to adjust to one another.
The idea that marriage is 'The Greatest Treasure' can quickly become obscured in the face of the changing circumstances that we may encounter on the journey of life. But truth is truth. Just like its easy for others to tell what you treasure most so it should be for you to know truly what to treasure. Many waste their lives treasuring things that add no value to their existence but fleeting pleasures and regret on their death bed that it took eminent death for their eyes to finally be opened for them to see what is most important to them. Marriage includes not only your spouse but your children also and children are happy when mum and dad learn to treasure one another. So my advice to you today is take some time out and seat yourself down. Write down all the things you treasure and ask your spouse to write down the things they think you treasure. Compare the list and make changes as needed. Its quite interesting as I mentioned earlier that others around you can see what you cant see and they can give you a candid opinion as to what you treasure most.
The Gift, we all love receiving gifts but one thing we do not bank on is that gifts come with responsibilities. We have all heard that unless you use something you loose it. A wise man once said that "those who have, more will be given to them but those who do not have even the little they have will be taken away from them" One needs wisdom to decipher this parable indeed. Workmen use tools all the time but the best workmen treasure their tools. They take great care of them. Marriage is a tool. Your spouse is a tool. A tool given to you as a gift to make you the best person you can possibly be. They will try you, push you to the limit only for you to find that you are limitless. They will challenge you and defy your belief until you answer the call to make yourself a better person, emotionally, psychologically, physically, mentally, financially and spiritually. They will also bring you great joy and peace if you know how to handle them and are willing to grow from selfishness to love. Love hurts a lot but it is the highest evolutionary state of the human race. It hurts because of pride and fear which has no place in true love.
When you got married you received a gift. Now, where is that gift? How is that gift? What have you done with that gift?
You may be screaming loudly, "what about me?" Well you know the universal law, Whatever you want men to do to you, do so to them and what ever you sow you shall reap.
