The very essence of human existence is relationships. A fulfilling relationship leads to a healthy, happy and comfortable life. Dating websites asks people to take compatibility tests to find matching partners based on their likes and dislikes be it social, spiritual or physical attributes. These types of mentality have lead to a lot of people choosing their life partners based on similar desires or attractions. Therefore it is not common to hear people say we were both interested in nature, games, sports, music, religion, career etc. Now experiences have shown that once the honeymoon period is over, people begin to face the real person. The things they found cute and admirable in the beginning is now actually getting on their nerves and making them want to quit the relationship. The common adage becomes “we are not compatible”! If compatibility has not significantly saved many marriages or relationships, then how it is relevant and important in relationships and to what extent can it be a vital or core ingredient for a long lasting relationship?
Let’s face the truth. When two people get together, each has a history of behaviour and attitude that are influenced by their environment, family, school, friends, religion etc. Therefore no matter how the two are meant for each other, there are periods where they will begin to discover things about each other that are annoying. This happens mostly in the later phase of relationships after the rosy period of honey moon is over and the couple now have to face real business. At this point it is not how many faults you pinpoint but how you learn and discover each other by accepting him/her in spite of those habits or behaviours and beginning to walk in love to overcome them. Compatibility therefore is beyond similarity in likeness and dislike but a continuous process of discovering each other with time, patience and above all in love. In order words when people refer to compatible couples, it means couples who have understood and learnt the art of working and complementing each other and growing in love with a single vision of making the marriage or relationship a success.
The future of any successful relationship therefore cannot be based on whether your interests are different or the manner of approach to problems and behavioural pattern. It is also not about creating niches of similar thinking because no matter what, people are different and no two human beings are the same not even identical twins. Successful relationships are those that will make you not to loose your individual identities and at the same time allow you to be together and complement each other. To sum it up, relationships are meant to be enjoyed and it should be fulfilling but these can only be the case when two individuals grow together, each willing to discover their differences and making adjustments where necessary.
Compatibility is therefore not a quality but a continuous process. It is not just about what you have in common in your career, personality, education etc, but mostly how well you complement each other's differences, in respecting and providing the necessary support and encouragement as you two grow in the relationship and the willingness to work together in love for a fulfilling life long journey.
That brings me to the fundamental point of compatibility. Setting goals and aspirations as a couple. It is vital for you as an individual to discover your life's purpose and know what you are here for. When you know your life's ambition goal and desire, then you can make an informed choice in who you deem compatible to aid in the fulfilment of those goals. If you do not want children, it will be crazy to select a partner who meets all your criteria for socio economic and spiritual reasons if they want 5 children. This one thing will take over your marriage and mindset and will make or break your relationship. If you like travelling and adventures and you select a partner who is very much comfortable with staying at home this one thing might become the fundamental reason why you drift away. So compatibility is important in your fundamental non negotiables as after the marriage has settled in these become a bone of contention.
Some important fundamental non negotiables include, the persons
Educational level
Spiritual belief system
Upbringing
Attitude towards children
Habits such as whether they take drugs, alcohol, or smoke
Sexual attitude
Tendencies
Attitude towards genders
Spending habits
etc.
People do not change suddenly because they are married, so choose wisely. Other issues such as sexual compatibility can improve with time, patience and transparency.
Therefore it is important to set goals as a couple for your marriage. Marriage is bigger than the sum of two people coming together for companionship. Each couple is brought together to fulfil a given purpose and that purpose is the secret attraction that brings them together. It is also the one thing that helps them in creating a single identity as a couple. Setting goals brings focus and help to refocus after a period of distraction. I have seen couple who have gone through the greatest test of all time stick together because of their joint goals and visions. They have faced what would have caused many people to divorce but the vision has saved their marriages and they have had to work through it.
If you do not have a single goal and vision for your marriage, then there is nothing stopping you from giving up when the trials come. Your mind will tell you that there is nothing to fight for and it will be correct. You did not have a vision for your marriage and without vision the people perish. Vision gives you something to look to when the going gets tough and gives you strength to fight for what is yours. So the most important thing is to be compatible in your vision for your life in order to have a successful relationship.
