Spiritual Intimacy
I was at a women's meeting the other day when someone asked the question;"How do you get your husband to pray with you?" I was not really satisfied with the answers and when I do not have complete peace about something, I chew on it in my mind. Now hardly any of these women have the issue of a husband who refuses to pray with them but the question is valid for many Christian women around the world. So after chewing on the issue for a while I asked my husband the question. I said to him, Honey, how can a woman get her husband to pray with her? He said to me very calmly, "they must go back to the foundation of intimacy: hand to hand, learn how to laugh together, discuss the small stuff communicate"
I paused for a moment, looking a bit lost and on seeing my expression he began to explain. When a man refuses to pray with his wife, that tells you that there are unresolved issues and a whole lot of selfishness in the marriage somehow. You see, it is the responsibility of the man as the head of the home to be a prayer cover for his family. His refusal to pray indicates rebellion, disobedience, selfishness and pure ignorance. He has left his home's door open for the strongman to enter in and bind him. He has no clue the damage he is doing to himself. You see, they are one flesh which means they are one man, If a man's right foot refuses to walk in accordance to the man's other foot he will surely stumble and fall. So if a man and a woman in a marriage are not praying together then there has been a communication breakdown, there is to put is bluntly, 'fire on the mountain'. They have got themselves into situations where they cannot see the woods from the trees. Although it is his responsibility to nip this in the bud by being like God; loving unconditionally he is as they say behaving like a woman. The bible has cautioned husbands to love their wives as their own body as no one ever hates his own body. And that if they refuse, then their own personal prayers will be a waste of time as non will ever be answered. This tells us that God takes this love very seriously and every blessing a married man receives is based on their love attitude towards their wives. After all the saying goes that it is he who finds a wife that finds a good thing and obtains favour from God not she who finds a husband.
So what will cause a man to refuse to pray with his wife? Well I was reading 'Dusty Crowns' by Heather Lindsey recently and she was warning women who have the know it all attitude. She was asking them to receive the ministry of silence. I got from all that she mentioned that sometimes women can think that they are more spiritually matured than their husbands and bash them with scriptures every waking moment. Their tongues keep wagging with the "bible says this and that" every time the man makes a mistake. This can be very discouraging, disrespectful and downright rudeness. It is the man's responsibility to be the spiritual head of the home. Stop trying to lead him. Don't Usurp his headship. You can never be the man or the head. You are not wired for it. Your job is to pray for them to come to that position not bash them into it. A man likes to be respected and honoured by his woman and I know that there is a right and wrong way to make a man pray with you. Their refusal is a sign that you are using the wrong method. However as mentioned earlier it is not the responsibility of the woman to make her man pray with her but the man's responsibility to pray with his woman.
This is what my husband was trying to say. 'Foundation'. What is the foundation of the marriage? On what is the marriage built? Is it on money, beauty, ambition, fame, or God? When you were saying yes to the man who is supposed to be your spiritual covering where you looking for a man whose life was Christ centred or Chrysler centred? Was it about his money, his car his house his family or his looks, or was it about selecting someone who will be a great covering for you? Someone that will pray with you and wants to, and someone who understands the necessity of praying with you and building a hedge of spiritual security around your home. So as usual we always say go back to the beginning. If you married someone who was not Christ centred and was ignorant of his responsibility as your spiritual head then why do you think he will want to pray with you now? He had no intention before what has changed? My husband and I are counsellors under the 2=1 ministry and the pre-marriage course for those who are preparing for marriage is the best gift any couple can give themselves. It gives them a foundation centred on Christ and leaves no topic under the carpet. By the time you get to the covenant topic of discussion you will know whether you are ready for marriage and whether you have made the right choice. Couples who have attended have either had their choices confirmed or if they had no idea they would leave knowing without a doubt what they are about to get themselves into and whether they are ready to do so with that particular person.
Every married person knows that it takes daily death to the selfish flesh to stay married and to grow in your marriage. So it all comes down to making the choice and selecting who you want to die for on a daily basis. Do not expect a man who is not interested in God to make prayer his priority. Neither have the wishful thinking that he will change when you marry him. Girlfriend!, what they are before they marry you become magnified in the marriage. If he is a lukewarm, carnal Christian don't expect him to suddenly become a saint because he got married. It will take more that a wedding day to bring transformation. Only God can open the eyes of the blind. He is blinded in that area and it will take much grace from his wife to get those eyes open to the need for praying together.. Secondly, how we approach that request when a man is blinded is key. Thirdly if you have major issues in your marriage don't expect where selfishness is king to see any light of a prayer of agreement happening. It will take a godly praying woman to make a plan to get her man to a place where he takes up his responsibility knowingly and joyfully.
As I was going to work yesterday, I heard the spirit's answer to my question; "Pray a blessing over him daily. In other words speak words of encouragement to him as he prepares for work or before he sleeps. Let him hear you bless him.It will become something he sees as good and necessary and will volunteer to join you eventually". Hey, This is Gods strategy not mine.
So if you have a problem of your husband not praying with you, apart from your own personal devotion time, begin to speak life into him. Declare over him when you see him words such as,
you are a good man, you will stand before kings, favour will follow you today, you will see great blessing from your efforts, you are my perfect covering in this house, I respect and honour you, you are a great man, you are a great father. You see why I said it will take the death of the flesh to do this? Don't say " God, make my husband a good husband, let him love me, let him be a good father to his children, change his heart . Those are prayers for your closet honey not for his ears. In his presence you declare what you prayed him to be in your closet. So in all our getting ladies let us as women get wisdom and understanding so we can build our house.
My issue was not about praying with my husband but not being able to pray with him because I harboured unforgiveness and resentment. You see if you develop a habit of praying together you have to hold very short accounts of unforgiveness and anger. You will always know when a fire is lighting on your mountain because you will not be able to agree in prayer. I knew it was useless to pretend to agree with my husband when I am angry about something. So I have learnt to keep my heart before the lord and he identifies areas of hardness and I allow him to heal me up and deal with all the emotional stuff women are baggage with so I am always ready to agree with him in prayer. The bible says that if a strongman knows when the thief was coming to steal in his house he will prepare for him. Before a thief can steal your property he must disable you by binding you first. don't give him opportunity to bind you with resentment, hardness of heart or unforgiveness and disable you prayer life, if he does he will steal your home, your spouse and your children. Prepare for him by being alert in your emotions and purposing in your mind not to hold grudges. Only you will suffer in the end.
In conclusion, when a man takes his rightful place and prays with his wife synergy happens, there is exponential growth and overflow of blessings. There is much peace even in the midst of the storm. There is growth in respect and honour. Love multiplies and you can never stay angry for long for if you do, then you cannot agree with him in prayer.
